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Susan Squire, in a recent book entitled I Don’t: A Contrarian History of Marriage, explains that today there is enormous confusion on the meaning and definition of marriage because there is no single coherent principle behind modern marriage. Dahlia Lithwick, writing in a review of Squire’s book, states that “As currently practiced, the institution is a hodgepodge of biblical, classical, courtly and Christian rules and mores. What we know as ‘marriage’ is rooted in warring historical efforts at regulating procreation; tamping down secular lust. . .; and—only relatively recently—celebrating companionship and romantic love. Those of us who speak reverently about the sanctity of marriage must also acknowledge that modern matrimony is less a sacred vessel than a crazy quilt.” With no baseline, there will be confusion, chaos and “every person doing what is right in their own eyes.” So what do we do? I believe strongly that we must restore a marriage culture in western civilization. It begins with two fundamental propositions.
Proposition #1: The Creation Ordinance of God establishes marriage. The proper place to begin thinking about this issue is Genesis 2. After giving clear instructions to Adam about his stewardship of the Garden, God concludes that it is not good that Adam is alone (v. 18). To prove this to Adam, God brings all the animals before him to name (vv. 18-20). Although this establishes his authority over the animals, it also served as an object lesson for Adam: He was the only creature of God truly alone. So, God creates the woman as his complement, his helper (used 16 other times in the Old Testament, always referring to God as the One who saves, upholds and sustains His people).
Moses then offers a theological commentary on what God did with Adam and Eve (vv. 24-25). First, God established the paradigm for marriage. The man is to “leave” his family with the conscious understanding that he is establishing a new family unit. Second, that means “cleaving” (like glue) to his wife. Third, in doing the separating from family and the unqualified commitment to his wife, he and his wife will be in the process of “becoming one flesh.” This concept does symbolize the sexual intercourse that physically unites the two human beings, but it also symbolizes the merging of two personalities, male and female, into a complementary whole. Their personalities, their idiosyncrasies and their uniqueness all remain. Instead, these two totally different human beings merge into a perfect complement where both--now together--serve God in their integrity. In verse 25, Moses further comments that they are “naked” and not “ashamed.” They were so totally “other-centered” that they did not think of self, only of one another. We can properly infer that their sexual oneness was characterized by no shame or discomfort either. Their physical love was beautiful and fulfilling; no selfish or carnal lust was present. The wonder of romantic love was perfectly present in this first marriage.
Theologically, what do we learn from this passage? How does this passage establish the model for a proper understanding of human sexuality and marriage? Allow me to suggest several lessons:
- When Jesus and Paul deal with questions of marriage or human sexuality, they always refer back to this creation ordinance of Genesis 2:18-25. See Matthew 19:1-12, Mark 10:1-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. What is stated in these verses transcends culture and time. They constitute God’s ideal for sexuality and marriage.
- Marriage is to be monogamous and heterosexual. From this passage it is impossible to justify polygamy or homosexuality. It is the standard, the ideal, for all marriages.
Proposition #2: Recovering a marriage culture demands that we take several proactive steps:
- Married couples should seek ways to improve their own marriages and encourage other couples to do the same. Books, study guides, tapes and marriage conferences are a few of the resources to accomplish this step.
- Churches should adopt “covenant marriage policies.” Typically, such guidelines involve statements about premarital counseling, the length of engagement, accountability, etc. Any couple wishing to marry in that church must adhere to the policies.
- Support divorce reform laws that encourage more reflection on the divorce process and require parents to consider the long-term impact that divorce will have upon their children and upon themselves.
- Support “covenant marriage” legislation that gives couples the opportunity to apply the legislation to their lives. Such legislation requires premarital counseling, limits grounds for divorce and requires struggling couples to get counseling before the marriage ends.
- Many communities are adopting resolutions that affirm the value of marriage as the bedrock of civilization.
- Support tax codes that do not penalize married couples by taxing them at a higher rate. Such legislation only encourages cohabitation.
Western civilization, if it is to survive, must restore a deep-seated commitment to a marriage culture; one that affirms the other-centered love of a man and a woman in the bonds of marriage. That pattern was established by God in the Creation Ordinance and defined clearly in the New Testament. As Ephesians 5:32 makes clear: A God-centered marriage is a metaphor, an archetype of how Christ relates to His church. May we take those steps necessary to restore and advance a marriage culture.
See Dahlia Lithwick’s review of Squire’s book in the New York Times Book Review (7 September 2008); James P. Eckman, Biblical Ethics, pp. 57-49; and “Recovering a Marriage Culture (What to Do),” Focus on the Family. |
